After experiencing enough arguing between my younger boys this morning, I told them “I don’t want to see you right now. Go somewhere else. My patience is done for a while.”
Seriously, a momma has her limits of trying to get her kids to get along. Being a referee is exhausting. Sometimes, I decide if they need to continue to battle it out – they must go somewhere else.
First, they continued to argue about whose fault that now was that they got in trouble. They headed to their bedroom and eventually settled themselves down and even started playing nice to each other. (Why can’t we just start there and avoid all the chaos in the first place, eh?)
It didn’t take long for one to retreat from the bedroom and only to get a hand signal from me to spin right around and leave me be, followed a few minutes later with the other one doing the same thing. Nope. Not ready fellas – ya’ll fully drained me for a bit.
After a bit longer, the younger one comes out with a fedora covering his face and asks me, “if am better yet”. Attempting to hold back a smile already, I reply with a “Not quite.” Of which he quickly runs back to his brother the results from his mission. “Mom says she isn’t quite ready, but by the looks of her, I think we better give her more time.” (Which made me laugh, but he doesn’t know that.)
The next time they sheepishly returned from their hideouts with their heads hung and offering apologies, I let them stay, but I didn’t want their apologies. I can appreciate an apology, but not interested whey they are forced. Apologies more often than not aren’t genuine and just “something one is supposed to do”. And at this point folks, I am no longer simply talking about my kids.
An apology has been a quick “get out of jail free card”. A true apology is more than a few words; it’s an action. Proof one will do better, be better. Apologies need to be felt for “the doer of the ‘wrong’. Sincerely. ‘Wrong’ is a whole ‘nother conversation. We’ve been forced to apologize for many things; we’ve forced our kids to succumb to give apologies. Sometimes we make them put aside what they believe to protect the emotions of others. Sounds a bit counter-productive, no?
In my opinion, if you really don’t feel bad about an action you did or words you spoke that made another feel bad, don’t apologize. At least then you have honestly still in your corner.
So here is how our confrontation ended. I informed my kids I didn’t want their apologies, at this time. I’d rather that they show me in actions. HOWEVER, that is their choice, BUT if they choose to continue to not be very nice, argue, and fight, then I didn’t want to be around them or that behavior. They both offered that they didn’t want to behave like that and we’ve gone on with our day, with at least a little more patience refueled.
