A letter to the little girl in the stroller having a meltdown in Old Navy.

To the little girl in the stroller, at Old Navy.  The one about three years old, that whined and cried for a really, long time.

I am sorry.  I am sorry as parents we don’t always understand.  I am sorry we don’t validate your feelings and emotions.  We try, but not always our best, and I am sorry for that.  You deserve to always be taken care of.  You deserve to be heard and validated.  We don’t always know how to do that.  We feel we need to be in control, and you need to listen.  We don’t like to be embarrassed or outwitted by a child that we are supposed to train and be in control of. 

I am confident that even though it was a rough afternoon, your momma loves you very much and takes care of you to the fullest.  You won’t remember this moment, but your momma might.  She may remember the struggle.  She may recall the stubbornness she had not to give in.  She may reflect and genuinely become a better listener and learner and observer.  She may do better next time; she may not.

To the momma of the struggling three old in the stroller:

I don’t know why your daughter was so upset.  I thought maybe she was the one that lost the bouncy ball that my son found.  That’s why we asked if it was yours.  Even though it wasn’t, we gave it to you in attempts to help distract your child while you shopped.  Even though you took it, you didn’t give it to her.  (Hmmph.)

I get it.  I really do.  There are things you want to do and sometimes the kids have to be in tow.  You need space and personal time, but that isn’t always an option.  You handled the situation with patience and calmness.  That must be acknowledged and appreciated.

There was, however, a point, where it was no longer a power struggle and it just become that she was struggling.  She wasn’t battling you anymore to get what she wanted; to challenge or annoy you.  She was bored.  She was very tired, probably hungry, and was done.  You needed to take step back from being right and help her.  You don’t have to be win to do the right thing.  The battle was over.  You won.  The entire store of customers had headaches from the whining and crying and begging to go home.  It was time Momma.  Time to leave.  Time to set your pride aside and be better.  Time to show your daughter that you care endlessly and will give her what she needs, when she needs it, on a level that she requires.  It takes strength to realize this and I wish you better next time.  There will be many next times.

There are a lot of sorrys in the world.  No doubt we owe our kids a lot apologies, but yet they forgive us.  They continue to try to do their best.  They continue to try and get approval from us.  I think we can do better.  Be better.  Be kinder.  Sorrys will happen.  Growing from them is necessary.  Parenting requires learning.  Learning from observation, from mistakes, from successes, from books, from mentors.

This is one situation that we can all, as parents, relate to.  I’m not ultimately judging this particular mom; I’ve had my moments and huge fails as being a mom.   I am asking we all acknowledge and support our kids to best of our abilities and then continue to get better.  There is no weakness in trying to understand and help our kids be stronger, more confident, and kind.  We do that in working on ourselves.